– Can you tell me your biggest weakness? + Oh, I’m a perfectionist. I wonder how many times this convo was the highlight of job interviews before it became a global meme. What a perfect weakness being a perfectionist is, right?.. right?
Well, not exactly.
At first it seems such a sweet issue to have. It disguises itself as “caring about it” or “being detail-oriented”. Like you’re going above and beyond to make sure it is done well – and internally that’s what you also say to yourself. Yet you either can’t seem to start – because it’s way too overwhelming even just to think about the mental load, or you can’t get to the finish line – since it never feels enough. Suddenly, you are lacking in the motivation department while swinging between procrastination and burnout.
If it’s your work, you might have issues completing a task since it never feels right, if it’s your hobby, you might thing it is just not for you, only cause you didn’t become a pro in a week or two… Even your friendships can take a damage if you can’t help but reflect it to them, maybe trying to fix their issues on behalf of them. You get how that sounds like? Still think it is a superpower? As I said, not exactly. In fact, it is your enemy. As Sun Tzu says, “know thy enemy” so let’s start from there.
What is perfectionism at its core? Is it really just caring more than you should? I think Michael Law says it the best: “At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” You are not being careful and detail-oriented, you are avoiding the end result, constantly being fixated on how it might not be up to your standards, or you’re intimidated by the possibility that it can actually meet your expectations.
In my early years at academy, I used to think if it’s not perfect it was trash. I encountered seniors that reinforced this idea. No amount of citations would be enough, even their own feedback was subject to a feedback in the second round of review. It was exhausting just to watch it. I thought it was what it meant to be, like an “academic hustle”. Then after finishing undergrad, I also started working in corporate while doing my Master’s at the same time. In corporate I encountered the wisdom of “short cuts”, “quick fixes” or “low hanging fruits”.
Still, it felt demonic to think about them in academy. Like as if I would be less of a researcher if the thesis didn’t cover all the bases in that topic. This hit me quite hard while writing my thesis. The context of the research was constantly shifting, even the subject changed once or twice. Alongside the pandemic psychology we were all in back then, it felt like I was in a never ending downward spiral that’s called thesis submission. Although I was deeply invested in the subject I was working on, I felt like giving up.
Then something my advisor told me shifted my perspective for good. She quoted Voltaire: “Perfect is the enemy of good”. I was never going to finish as long as I stayed stuck in that spiral. Recommendations for further research and limitations were there for a purpose, and academic archives were meant to be accumulations of knowledge over time. Let me tell you, one of the greatest advice I’ve received. Sure, I was not expecting to write a lecture book as a thesis, and I knew there would be limitations, but I never internalized it and managed my expectations. I was not aiming for perfection, I was just trying to dodge the lack of it. You would be surprised to know how fast I finished the rest of the work after that conversation.
On the surface, it looks like she didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, but she provided me something much bigger, something I wasn’t providing for myself back then: acceptance. Space to try, space to fail, to succeed.
Later on her guidance help me deal with a lot of struggles and power through them, as well as gave me courage to try new things (like this page!). So as I’m passing down this wisdom I want to finish with a quote of my own (now you know whom I got the habit from):
“What self-acceptance does is open up more possibilities of succeeding because you aren’t fighting yourself along the way.” — Shannon Ables
//BONUS// Food for thought: Did you know in Japanese culture they have a the philosophy of wabi-sabi—finding beauty in flaws and impermanence? This philosophy is often reflected with Kintsugi (golden joinery), which is a centuries-old Japanese art of repairing broken pottery using lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Maybe cracks that we dismiss as flaws can be golden paths to actual perfection, that is being complete and real. Just saying…
With love,
Leave a Reply